Tuesday, December 27, 2011

2011 Favourite Facebook Statuses

I'm always told that people enjoy my Facebook status updates. I think some people may even be on my friends list only to read them. While they're not always keepers, quite a few make me smile. I've compiled a list of my favourites from the past year. Most of them are direct quotes from my family. I'm pretty sure that no family laughs as much as mine does. :o)

"ME: What pants are you wearing?
NOAH: I don't know. I couldn't find any in my drawer so I put these on. I think that they're Kyles.
ME: Turn around and let me see the back...................Yeah. You can wear those if you want but they're not Kyles. They're mine."

"The dry skin under my nose from my cold looks like boogers. Perfect!"

"Probably shouldn't laugh, but listening to Noah & his buddy crank call the 'mean girls' in his grade on the way to SP/FX class last night was pretty entertaining....
"Hi this is Gavin from Value Village. Your order of large size ladies clothes is ready to be picked up.""

"Co-worker hugs = awkward. Drunk co-worker hugs while you rub my back and hum in my ear = creepy. Please refrain. Thank you."

""Of course mom posted about it. My entire life is cataloged on Facebook"

"KYLE: Can you wake me up early tomorrow. I need to shave to get Movember started.
ME: Wow babe, are you raising money?
KYLE: No. Just growing the 'stache

My philanthropic son. Always thinking of others. :oP"

 ""That persons house smelled like crap" -Noah thankful for Halloween treats."


"Served a 20something guy in with his parents tonight. He dropped some wing goop on the crotch of his pants and his mom went to wipe it away. Yowza."

"Kyle & I walking through some crappy Milton Mall:
ME: I wonder what that store is?
KYLE: I think it's kind of like Conspiracy Comics, although judging from the people in there, it's a little more geeky.
ME: Do you see the floor length trench coat on that one guy?
KYLE: I can smell the B.O from out here
**Look out world. There's now officially two of me out there!**"

"I Ran For The Cure and raised almost $1850 for breast cancer research. Yay me!"

"Saw a grown man in a Charlie Brown tshirt tonight....obviously he's single."

"ME "Robert, I got the donation that you left for me on Saturday night for the run for the cure, thank you!
WEE ROBERT "I left you a donation? What was it for?"

Gotta love working in a place that serves alcohol....obviously a little too freely...."

"KYLE "Let's drive through the Buffalo slums to kill some time!"
DEREK "Yeah, probably not a good idea. Either your mom will look at someone the wrong way or your brother will yell something completely inappropriate out the window""

"Watched a clip of Anderson Cooper getting a spray tan with Snooki. What the heck happened to this guy? He's gone from credible reporter to creep. I bet that Aaron guy who he replaced on CNN is ready to give him a throat punch right about now!"

"Going to pick up my & Ryan's race kits today for tomorrow's Waterfront Trail 5K Race! Here's hoping that we don't crap the bed. Considering Ryan only just realized last night that this was a race and not a friendly run we may be in trouble. "It's a race?! What do you mean it's a race?! What am I supposed to do?!""

"Shocked at the amount of people that I noticed last night with their phones clipped to their belts! Can't fit it in your fanny pack?"

"ME "Let's go to the grocery store"
NOAH "Let's?"
ME "Yeah. Me & you. Together. Together Forever like like ramma lamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong"
NOAH after massive eye roll "You're forever alone""

"Noah watching Billy the Exterminator "Cool! I didn't know that beavers have disposable thumbs!""

"has never understood the need for a dream catcher in your car........."

"ME "Kyle & I planted a tree today"
NOAH "was it a seed or did it come preassembled?""

"those couple of beers after work last night sounded like a great idea at the time...not so much during my run this morning. Talk about sweating like a canned ham! Yowza!"

"Went for a run through the park this morning. Ahhhh the sound of birds chirping, owls hooting and the smell of hot dog crap in the garbage cans...."

"Um, if you have an upset stomach please don't order the curry...."

"Called Noah last night from work to see how his soccer game went
NOAH "Yeah, I won game MVP"
ME "Awesome! Great job. What did you do that was so great to deserve that?"
NOAH "Nothing. You know they give them to everyone""

Line of the night goes to Tony @ table 5
ME "Look, they're lighting fires in Vancouver!!!"
TONY "Is that Luongo's car?""

"I think Thomas is running a close second to Miller for being my favourite goalie. He always looks like he's having a great time out there, unlike Luongo who just looks like someone farted in his crease..."

 "Yay to my nephew Jonathon for winning MVP of the year at MMR!!!
Clearly he inherited his athletic prowess from me, fellow athlete of the year. #AlBundy"

 Attention concrete dudes: I didn't pay Mohawk College to teach me how to do payroll for you to tell me how your stat pay should work out. :P"

Derek has my car today. He just called and asked if I've been renting it out to hobo's...."

"KYLE" Mom, can you give me $50. This kid at school can get stitched NHL jerseys cheap and I want to get a Seguin one"
ME" Kyle, you don't even wear hockey jersey's anymore. Why should I waste my money?"
KYLE "It doesn't matter if I ever wear it. It's practically free!!!""

"NOAH looking through grocery flyers "Lamb? That looks good, I want to try it!"
ME "You know that's baby sheep right?"
NOAH "Yeah so. I only like dogs & wolves so we're good""

"**Conversation with guy who has an empty beer glass on his head
ME "Is there something that you want to say to me?"
GLASS HEAD "I have a glass on my head. That's the universal sign for I want a beer"
ME "No. That's the universal sign for 'I'm an a-hole'."

Aside from dart & volleyball players, verbal tippers are the worst!"

"KYLE: be quiet nerd!
ME: please don't talk to your brother like that
KYLE: Uh, I was talking to you...."

 Is happy to see Kyle reading! Who cares if it's Sh*t My Dad Says! It's a friggin' book!

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